FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH MY THERAPIST

Finally the day had come when I was no longer oblivion to the fact that I needed help. Mental health crises is a tricky situation, the people in your vicinity can seem deluding or can make you feel like a walking alien on the planet Earth. No matter how uncontaminated their intentions are, they just do not seem to belong to your world.

I knew I needed someone to belong to my world. The one who would not walk with me on the shallow waters of life, but dive deep, extraordinarily deep into solving the mysteries of my brain.

I desperately wanted to be on the pursuit of wholeness and not on the pursuit of happiness which our culture advocates like crazy.

I was driven, driven to not try to be normal but to fathom the reasons behind my eccentric interests. Being too often accused to take life too seriously, delving deep into it seemed like the finest idea. ‘Honest to God’, still seems like it.

It was Tuesday, I was all set to unleash to the human on the other side of my screen. I had heard her before, we had a very brief conversation on call. Her ‘hello’ had given me a sense of kinship. The softness of her voice led me to keep the appointment that very day at 1 pm.

I was reasonably ready, in fact more than ready to delve and seek out the purpose of my life and my existence.

The first thing we spoke about was ‘Books’. The older I’m getting, the more I’m wanting to read. Desperately wanting to know what all great minds have discovered and read and written. I know I’m probably a little off – balance here but that’s how I gain momentum in life.

Turned out, me and my therapist’s favourite book had been the same. Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom.

I felt instantly connected, as if I’m walking steadily on a pretty straight line. I revealed to her how I’m just not able to do late nights like other people and struggle too much when it comes to loud and fast living which probably is too common in this day and age.

Me and my therapist are now on the journey of the flow, my flow. Gentle steps, baby steps. Showing up.

We are starting out, I plan to go through volume of emotions. It’s going to take a while or it’s going to take more time, much more than I imagine it to. I don’t want to know. I just want to become my best person. I just want to be true to myself and raw and open and most importantly real and oh so real !